I was catching up on some work while playing J. Cole’s ‘Heaven’s EP’ when suddenly, one of Cole’s lines hit me like a brick wall:
‘Maybe deep down, I’m afraid of my luminosity.’
For some reason, I paused and instantly said to myself: Holy fuck!
Could that be the reason why I tend to self-sabotage? Could that be why I am often so close to hitting a goal and, suddenly, for some reason, end up getting in my own way? Could it be that, despite being moderately successful, owning a profitable online business with actual employees, and holding a “cool tech job” on the side, I am subconsciously afraid of my ‘luminosity’? Am I afraid to ‘shine’ further or reach my full potential? 🤔
Why is it that I often get in my own way?
I don’t have the answer to that question, but I know there is a reason why this particular bar ‘rang the bell.’
Perhaps my subconscious or ‘higher self,’ (if such a thing exists) may be signaling something important. From now on, I will pay closer attention and shut down this behavior as soon as it starts to creep in.
Now that I think about it, this isn’t the first time I’ve had a similar epiphany triggered by someone else’s work.
Back in 2016, my sales job at the time gifted my team several personal development books…it was just something they did. One of the books was “What to Say When You Talk to Yourself” by Shad Helmstetter. Although I’ve read and skimmed through my fair share of personal development books, I initially dismissed this one and tossed it onto a shelf at home.
Fast forward a few years to the pandemic, bored at home, I decided to reorganize my office space, and that’s when I rediscovered the book. It immediately stood out. I read the title, and for some odd reason, it clicked. In a split second, I realized I had been speaking poorly of myself to myself for a very long time.
Just reading the title of this book triggered this realization. I ended up reading it and began actively working to shut down this behavior. Although I still catch myself speaking negatively to myself at times, it happens much less frequently.
I can now recognize when others are also engaging in this behavior. As a result, I gifted this book to someone I met, hoping it helps her as much as it helped me.
I guess this is an example of how music, books, or art in general can inspire change and help reveal one’s profound personal insights.
Thanks, Jermaine!
G